Plane Ride Kindness

After leaving multiple incoherent voicemails, it was finally time for me to board the plane. I grabbed my purse and blankie and followed the lines of people onto the cramped plane. Somehow, I ended up with a glorious aisle seat and as soon as I sat down, the tears began to flood again. The unknown scared me and I trembled in my seat, knowing that there was so much more to come. With my favorite quilt/ blankie folded on my lap, I shoved my face into it in an attempt to muffle my sobbing. After a few moments, it became harder to breathe and I lifted my head to gain some "fresh" airplane air. This pain and heartache was only the beginning. I looked around me and saw that many people were staring at me. Across the aisle a young mother and her two small girls played with American Girl dolls. The mom reached across and grabbed my hand. She had no idea what was going on in my life at that moment, but that small act of random kindness helped to calm me as we flew. Despite calming down slightly, I continued to bawl the whole flight.

The first flight passed rather slowly. I fell asleep for a portion of it and then spent the rest of the flight trying to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for the bajillionth time. Towards the end of the flight, we hit a huge patch of turbulence. I've flown in tiny Guatemalan planes before, so it didn't phase me much. At least until the plane suddenly dropped down and the lights went out for a brief moment. We all held our breath waiting for the plane to recover. Luckily, it was a very short bump in the flight and it did recover. In the middle of the turbulence, I couldn't help but think of the irony. Here I was heading to go save my life so I wouldn't die, and I was scared because I thought the plane would crash. I was scared. I realized that I wasn't ready to die. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I wanted my pain to be over, but I didn't want this life to be over. I just wanted to be free of the heartache. 

Soon after the life-altering turbulence, we landed in Oakland, California. Announcements were made over the intercom, but I wasn't paying enough attention. I heard something about my next flight, but didn't know what they had said. I leaned over to the young mom and asked if she had heard the announcement. She nodded and told me to just stay on the flight as this was the same plane taking me to Orange County. I sat in my seat as the young mother and her two daughters slowly exited. The mom, arms filled with bags and toys, reached over and held my hand one last moment. "Hon, I don't know what's going on, but it's all going to be alright. Wherever you're headed, it's where you need to be and one day this will just be a far-off memory." The floodgates re-opened and I thanked her as she left. That made two moments that this inspired woman showed me a kindness I'll never forget.

Knowing it would be a while before the next flight left, I turned on my phone to see if anyone had texted me. Along with texts from Allison, Tara (my best friend's mom) had returned a call I'd made earlier (which was probably very incoherent). I quickly dialed her number and hoped she'd picked up. I don't remember the conversation, but it felt good to know that she knew what was going on. It was cut short by the start of everyone filing onto the next flight. I hung up and started crying again. As I sat there waiting, a text came in from Tara. "Rachel. I love you! You are not alone. Stay safe!! XO" The slow stream of tears became sobs with this. Trying to distract myself, I checked my social media. Pulling up twitter, I had a notification from my roommate, Melissa. "Girl, you got this! I miss you and I love you and I'll see you soon. <3 <3 <3" Although I couldn't escape the reminders of what I was doing, it suddenly dawned on me how many people were rooting for me. What I feared would be the end of various friendships proved to be a huge outpouring of love and support. Somehow, that thought calmed me down a little bit and I was able to peacefully read my Harry Potter book for the rest of the flight.